Monday, April 27, 2009

wolves in my garden part three

The corridors are slowly turning into a blur; the coldness of the floor, and the shadows at play in the dark corners of the passageway meld with my thumping heart; making the flight to my room an intense, one way-ticket to a heart attack.

he told me to touch it. he asked me, nakahawak ka na ba ng titi? and that I’m welcome to touch it. pulled in as if in a dream, I felt my saliva thickening; in my chest, a slow drum beat could be heard; faint at first, then slowly building in rhythm. Soon, the walls of my heart started reverberating with the beat.

I am not experiencing this.

You will not touch, pie.

No matter how hard he tempts you.

You musn’t.

I saw his hand slowly reaching for mine. My muscles felt weak, unable to resist, despite my mind clearly processing all of this. His hand led mine right to the spot. Dead center. It traversed the garters of his walking shorts, past the seams of his underwear, hugging his hips snugly. I felt him massive, pulsating; his length tangled with down and mixed with sweat.

It was steaming-hot inside that little space where my hand found itself, reluctant to leave. And in that room, too, heat was rising in the air. 'Tis my first time.

This is all wrong.

This is conspiracy, pie.

They’ve planned this well, and you’re falling into a trap.

With all the strength I could muster, I broke loose of Lino’s spell and ran for the door. And just like a watchful sentinel, Tupas was there, outside their room, standing by the door; keeping guard of the proceedings. His startle was evident in his eyes when I pushed him, running in confusion, towards my room.

And toward sanity.

Its been ten years now; but the wolves in my garden keep on prowling. In the dead of the night, they watch, and they grin. Prowling, prowling, prowling.

the end

Thursday, April 23, 2009

waking up

i only know what i know...
the passing years will show
you've kept my love
so young, so new...

and time after time
you'll hear me say
that i'm so lucky
to be loving you...

woke up today, with chet baker's song time after time immediately playing in my head. ewan ko ba. basta lam ko lang the song jived with my mood. i immediately followed it up by accessing my itunes library for the real thing; and up went chet's languid voice filling my morning.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

wolves in my garden part two

It was my first time to touch a hard cock. It felt warm in my hand. Big beyond my imaginings, and pulsating. I swallowed hard, just holding it. I felt excited.

I felt confused too. That Lino, of all people would do this to me. summon me from my room through his roommate Tupas and bring me here, in a room identical to mine but a lot denser. The density in the air apparently comes from the ill intents of the occupants.

i first came to know of them from when we were starting out at the other dormitory reserved for green horns in the university. They were already roommates then—Lino striking me as the studious one, the shy and good mannered boy from down south; while Tupas had the air of a Young Robin Padilla; pilyo but not in any way unmanageable. I meet them on the way to the mess hall, the showers, passing by the corridor going to my room. I exchange smiles, little chit-chats with them during our regular corridor meetings. They were like the rest, a friendly bunch, my family away from home.

In all that time, until that fateful day, i was a really chubby kid. I already had gay leanings but kept it to myself fearing rejection and embarrassment should i decide to act on my feelings. Of the two, it was with Tupas i had a slight crush on; something i learned very early on to just keep to myself, and not do anything about. Like so many crushes that come and go, i easily got over him. A year after Kalayaan, i can meet him in the eye and not feel a single twitch in that muscle in the nether regions.

On the other hand, I never did have the slightest malice in dealing with Lino. He was always nice to me, as with everyone else. Being the brainiac that he was (he was one of our batch’s oblation scholar) i always felt an affinity with him when it came to intellectual pursuits. So when Tupas went to my room that day and asked me to go with him to see Lino for some important matter, i didn’t have the slightest hesitation nor apprehension of going with the roommate.

Besides, who will hit on a chubby gay teener that could easily give Ryan Yllana a run for his money?

to be continued

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

wolves in my garden

“Pie, halika sa room may sasabihin daw sa yo si Lino”.

“Ha? E bat kelangan pa ng messenger? Pwede naman sya pumunta dito”.

“Basta. Di sya makaalis dun e”.

I remember that day vividly in my mind, right now. The walk down the darkened corridors; shadows alternating now and then with the light, spilling from the open central courtyard of the dilapidated dormitory I have lived in for three years; crossing that same courtyard overgrown with tall grasses and clothes, hung to dry in makeshift clotheslines tied at the steel rods of two basketball rings; all the fairy-tale details in place, down to the motes hanging suspended in the air of that room; dancing, it seems with the golden sunlight falling through the windows with the rusted iron grills.

Those windows. That room. My mute witnesses to later proceedings that no doubt, have marred my tender psyche. For a moment it seems I’m in that room again, ten years ago; negotiating through a mess I have not imagined myself falling into.

Eto naman ako, si tanga, sumama.

to be continued

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

in the tenderlight, in the blistering heat

para sa aking kabiyak, tsup.

You once wrote, in ink and paper
that i am your missing piece;
that i make the puzzle—
your puzzle, complete;
in bold, curling, romantic strokes
your heart bled those words

for me, for me

for you i won’t write, in ink and paper—
for you we’ll have lovely dinners;
lovely walks, lovely talks;
in the tender light of the moon,
in the blistering heat of the sun;
i’ll hold your hand

i’ll hold your hand

and together, we’ll have alchemy;
we’ll write on our very own—
skin, flesh and bones—
the lone word we tried, forming
with our minds; curling with our lips--
at the outset of this journey:


just lovely

Monday, April 6, 2009

horny room mate no. 2 | kid kati


“kuya, asan ka?”

“Pauwi na. Kumain lang dito sa philcoa after ko mag-jog. Bakit?”

“ah, kasama ko kasi girlfriend ko e, pauwi pa din lang kami hehehe. pwede mag-ikot ikot ka lang muna dyan, please kuya? :)”

"Sige, pero isakay mo na din sya kaagad pagkatapos ng kung ano mang gagawin nyo dyan. Maaga pa pasok ko bukas."


After one hour

“o, pwede na ba ako umuwi?”

“kuya sandali na lang”

“ihatid mo na yan sa sakayan at baka mapano pa sya sa daan.”

“e kuya ayaw na nyang umalis”.

“ha? E anong gagawin ko? Hindi ako tatabi sa inyo para maging iskorer."

"Pwede ka naman dun sa taas [ng dobol deck] kuya, sige na, ngayong gabi lang."

"Sira iyon. Masakit sa likod. Sige, one hour pa, pero kelangan na nyang umalis pagkatapos."

After one hour

“pauwi na ako”

“kuya ayaw na nya talagang umalis pano ba yan... sa taas ka na lang muna ngayon please”.

"O sige, ako na lang ang aalis. Parating na ako. Kunin ko lang yung bag ko dyan."

In a hurry i made a dash for my bag without even looking at the girl and the boy lounging in the dim light of our little room.

That was the night i passed by several callboys stationed at their respective posts as i walked aimlessly along the sidewalk of the elliptical road encircling the QC circle; the night i nearly spent in its entirety at mcdo araneta center after realizing i don’t have enough cash with me to cover for a 4-hour check-in at the eurotel near gateway mall. That was the night of endless waiting, as the atms in the vicinity seemed to conspire against me—every single machine i went to withdraw cash from was offline. Good thing i still have 50 pesos; good enough to buy me an apple pie that will legitimize my stay. “Wait an hour more, pie. An hour more, then try one of the atms again.”

I was able to check in around 3:30 in the morning or thereabouts. In two hours time of drifting like a lost soul in my sleep, my alarm clock rang the shit out of me, propelling me ahead of the pack of MRT commuters that swamped the cubao platforms, all geared for work. That was a real shitty day that followed a real shitty night.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

horny room mate no. 1 | lamas king

“tumingin ka sa akin. alam kong alam mo yung ginagawa mo kagabi”.

“ah, yun ba? Nanaginip lang kasi ako”.

“And so?”

“May kaakap kasi akong babae sa panaginip ko. Anlambot at ang kinis mo kase, kaya akala ko parte pa din ng panaginip ko nung inakap kita”.

[at nilamas mo ang suso ko] “Sa susunod ayoko ng mauulit yun ha. Tumingin ka sa akin”.

“Jusko naman si [insert real name here] o, masyado mo namang ginagawang big deal eh”.

[big deal talaga saken, in case you don’t know. pamangkin kita. Tito mo ako. Tho second degree na, di pa din kaya ng loob kong gumawa ng milagro kasama ka. Di mo ba alam na sobrang nahirapan ako na paglabanang patulan ka. Buti nakapag-isip-isip pa ako kagabi, at ilang ulit ko ding inalis ang kamay mo hanggang magsawa ka na lang]. “Basta, ayoko nang maulit pa yon”.

“Oo na nga”.

Thus the closet uncle reeled, recalling yet again another indecent incident over a cup of coffee, Friday night.