Monday, January 11, 2010

a krissy year its been.. brace yourself for more servings

Sunday, its six in the evening and i’m on my way back to manila. Tomorrow will be the start of my second week at work, this new year. I still can’t believe a week has passed and no untoward office incident has happened—yet. Well, at least to me. i can’t say that exactly for my other officemates—it seems we’re all taking turns, incurring the ire of krissy. I just had my serving of krissy’s tender loving care last December, involving a word called “sarcasm”, the details of which i’d rather not discuss. You pretty much know her capability for emotional torture, based on previous postings, i trust those entries would pretty much make a solid characterization of this creature from hell. Its my first post this year, and much as i would have wanted to write more, i kind of busied myself with other things during the holidays, so forgive me if you’ve missed dear pie so sorely. Anyways, before leaving for the province on my last day of work last year, i managed to write something on a sheet of paper—as my office pc brokedown the last minute. I normally find it more convenient writing my thoughts as they come, preferring the use of MS Word more than dear plain paper. But since the hurt needs to be clearly documented, i elected to write my thoughts and feelings that time on paper, saving it for a time like this when i finally find time to visit the dreaming attic once more.

Here it is :

This is not good. I had several bouts of near-outbursts at Mc Donald’s and Jollibee in a span of two weeks; the causes, as trifle as the cashier unable to give my change for a transaction right away, or the crew making me wait for ten minutes for a single order of my favorite corned beef for breakfast. I didn’t ace my psych 101 back in college for nothing; i know there is a cause to all this. For a greater part of five years i’ve been under constant stress from one single person. Krissy the insatiable. You probably know her from the many entries i’ve posted, speaking of the unspeakable, so i won’t bother anymore, eking out a juicy character study for this megalomaniac of a being, except stressing the point that despite knowing the stressor and having researched on its (IT’S!) inherent qualities, i still couldn’t find a weak spot which i can exploit to my advantage. She has learned to guard all the gates and bolt all the doors; making her one solid impenetrable fort that just won’t budge. I have tried all the tricks in my stress-management bible. I went for massages, weekend tours, or quiet time at the province, all for nothing. The last two events i described earlier are cries for help. The inner, gentler me is screaming, kicking, wanting to be finally rid of all this—just him out in golden streams of light, in an endless field of green and rainbow-colored flowers; finally breathing free from that all-consuming darkness that plagued and continues to plague him for five years now. Somebody out there, help me. God help me.

The outbursts, well, they’re contained, for now. the psyche work, i’ve dee to acknowledge for. He did a wonderful job, text-counselling me, December of last year, hehehe. He’s in Australia right now, training for bigger things, for when he finally gets back here a month from now. i miss him terribly. One month is kinda long, but when i think of the years behind us, its pretty tolerable. Well, tomorrow’s another day of taking chances with krissy, i just hope i make the right steps that will help me cross the seven o’clock pm gridline.

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