a krissy year its been.. brace yourself for more servings

Sunday, its six in the evening and i’m on my way back to manila. Tomorrow will be the start of my second week at work, this new year. I still can’t believe a week has passed and no untoward office incident has happened—yet. Well, at least to me. i can’t say that exactly for my other officemates—it seems we’re all taking turns, incurring the ire of krissy. I just had my serving of krissy’s tender loving care last December, involving a word called “sarcasm”, the details of which i’d rather not discuss. You pretty much know her capability for emotional torture, based on previous postings, i trust those entries would pretty much make a solid characterization of this creature from hell. Its my first post this year, and much as i would have wanted to write more, i kind of busied myself with other things during the holidays, so forgive me if you’ve missed dear pie so sorely. Anyways, before leaving for the province on my last day of work last year, i managed to write something on a sheet of paper—as my office pc brokedown the last minute. I normally find it more convenient writing my thoughts as they come, preferring the use of MS Word more than dear plain paper. But since the hurt needs to be clearly documented, i elected to write my thoughts and feelings that time on paper, saving it for a time like this when i finally find time to visit the dreaming attic once more.

Here it is :

This is not good. I had several bouts of near-outbursts at Mc Donald’s and Jollibee in a span of two weeks; the causes, as trifle as the cashier unable to give my change for a transaction right away, or the crew making me wait for ten minutes for a single order of my favorite corned beef for breakfast. I didn’t ace my psych 101 back in college for nothing; i know there is a cause to all this. For a greater part of five years i’ve been under constant stress from one single person. Krissy the insatiable. You probably know her from the many entries i’ve posted, speaking of the unspeakable, so i won’t bother anymore, eking out a juicy character study for this megalomaniac of a being, except stressing the point that despite knowing the stressor and having researched on its (IT’S!) inherent qualities, i still couldn’t find a weak spot which i can exploit to my advantage. She has learned to guard all the gates and bolt all the doors; making her one solid impenetrable fort that just won’t budge. I have tried all the tricks in my stress-management bible. I went for massages, weekend tours, or quiet time at the province, all for nothing. The last two events i described earlier are cries for help. The inner, gentler me is screaming, kicking, wanting to be finally rid of all this—just him out in golden streams of light, in an endless field of green and rainbow-colored flowers; finally breathing free from that all-consuming darkness that plagued and continues to plague him for five years now. Somebody out there, help me. God help me.

The outbursts, well, they’re contained, for now. the psyche work, i’ve dee to acknowledge for. He did a wonderful job, text-counselling me, December of last year, hehehe. He’s in Australia right now, training for bigger things, for when he finally gets back here a month from now. i miss him terribly. One month is kinda long, but when i think of the years behind us, its pretty tolerable. Well, tomorrow’s another day of taking chances with krissy, i just hope i make the right steps that will help me cross the seven o’clock pm gridline.

for four more years

Krissy called. Said she’ll take half of the day for her medical check-up, or the rest of the day, depending on how she’ll fare with the queue of people availing of our health card services. Knowing her, the rest of the staff thinks her declaration of the possibility of her not showing up for work is just a ploy to catch the rest of us in our weakest and most vulnerable (not in our desks, at the other offices catching up with the latest juicy news bout Manny and Krista, or slipping out to a nearby mall to do a bit of Christmas shopping); but we know better than to fall for that. Earlier this morning, her assistant sent me an sms informing me he can’t go to work, and left me quite a long list of things to accomplish before the queen arrives (I’m to be assistant number two in the event assistant number one doesn’t show up—that’s her topmost instruction; break that commandment and you’ll see the red sea part for the second time). Checklist done. Now all I have to do is wait; wait and pray that I do everything to the letter; whatever she requests me to do, never showing an inch of sarcasm at her sometimes irrational, over-the-top orders, or a quizzical look that will make me look dumb in her eyes. In other words, be perfect for half of the day. Having just finished patching up a recent “episode” between us, the pressure’s all the more imminent. If not for the perks I get from this splendid address, I would have gone and packed my bags a long time. But as others in the office kept saying, one just has to endure her for four more years—four more years then we party all we want.

saint krissy?

Whats with her?

Krissy the hag I’ve so much fallen in love with (eewww) in the past entries of the dreaming attic, is acting so unhagly these days.

In fact, in the past few months—2 months, if my calculations are correct—she’s been extremely nice; if you make a comparative analysis of her saintly demeanor nowadays, with her past sins, er, actions, she’s like a totally different, reformed person. I never thought the mental hospital staff these days could ever rise up to the government’s challenge and be at par with medical staff all over the world, in dealing with mental disturbances. Hehehe.

And it’s not just me noticing it. a fellow officemate shared the same observation. Krissy is far from getting the nicest girl in town award, but her progress can’t be overlooked, either. why, she makes an effort to say good morning when you greet her, and strives for little chit-chats with the other low-lifes in the office. isn't that suspicious? My, my. What is the world coming to?

Ano nga kayang nangyari?

Sana magtuloy-tuloy hanggang pasko.

its a krissy world

Oops, she did it again.

Two days have passed, yet the office is still tense with negative energies.

Yes, you know who I’m talking about. Krissy. The office’ very own bitchuwelas case. The one and the only. The supreme diva herself.

Only this time the casualty is not sweet and creamy Pie oh Pah, but the kids and their parent-officemates who brought them for the summer art camp/ classes, officially endorsed by our department as part of our HR office’s extension service to employees with children.

“Why didn’t you bring your kids to our Christmas party? You know how I love kids”, her declaration two Christmases ago went ringing in my ears as some sort of a flashback device to nicely counter what has transpired just recently.

“may pasok pa po kasi sila” the parent employees uniformly and politely answered. Though within the group’s secret conversations (secret to Krissy, that is) what the parents really wanted to say was “e kasi halata naman pong ayaw nyong may bata dito”.

That was two Christmases ago. Last year we didn’t have any Christmas celebration at all because Krissy found another way to trump plans of holding one, the details of which are blurry in my mind right now; what only comes to mind so far is her Oscar-winning monologue, “ …e kung ganyan din lang naman e di wag na tayong mag-party”. The staff positively responded by holding our own party outside the office, devoid of her fugly presence.

Christmas came and went, fast-forward to here and now. I was stationed at the monitoring desk, away from the scene of the crime, but I was keen enough to sense that something changed in the air. There was an immediate silence. Yes the library is supposed to be silent but the silence this time was deafening, and only one incensed voice is filling the air. From the tone, and the inflection, I can easily point it to krissy without having the need to even take a look. From my vantage point, I can see my officemates with startled looks on their faces.

Minutes earlier, the kids who were present for the summer art classes came busting through the doors running, and laughing. Nobody paid much attention, not even the researchers present because everyone knows kids are like that. Our assistant boss even made a gesture of shushing action with his fingers, but since the action all happened in a blur, the effort fell on deaf ears.

Harnessing my cognitive skills to full use, I immediately made the connection that Krissy’s sparkling scene has something to do with the kids’ running. I only needed to confirm my speculation with a full-detailed account which, knowing my officemates’ insatiable thirst for current information (translation : tsismis), confirmation wouldn’t be hard to come by. Surely enough, officemate A came to my post infuriated and giggling at the same time. She recounted the event as if laying down a report for an evening newscast ala Bente Kwatro Oras (this, I must say is just one of her talents, hehehe). She quoted Krissy as saying :

“ano ba naman [state name of assistant boss here], para yan lang. iyan lang, hindi mo pa madisiplina. Hindi nyo na nirespeto ang opisina ko!” and then the grand diva faded to an even grander exit to the office pantry, to take her usual lunch at 2:00-3:30 in the afternoon. What a charmed existence huh? Darating ng 10 AM to take her breakfast, maglalunch ng 2 PM. but this post is not dedicated to tracing her eating patterns so forget bout me ever saying that, hehehe.

Delving into the nitty-gritty of the scene, the outside observer is led to the following conclusion:

1. She should seek treatment soon. Small incidents shouldn’t lead to outbursts like that. a coherent, fully-functioning individual, a boss for that matter, should seek healthy avenues of communication. There’s always a nice way of saying things. If it’s ever an offense to her high standards of silence in the library, she could always call the concerned parents and tell them nicely, one on one; and not exploding into a scene that has been witnessed even by the regular researchers. Kahiya!

2. She should seek treatment soon. as an office of the government, bosses and employees alike get their salaries from taxpayers. It seems she’s under the delusion that she owns the office and we are but underlings ran astray from the paths of traditional shushing librarianship and that she has the responsibility to exorcise us of our demons. Heller, this is the twenty-first century, mother superior! At di mo kami pinapasweldo para magdiva-divahan ng ganyan, pwede ba!

3. She should seek treatment soon.

casual girl

The emancipation project takes a back seat for now. Its better this way than to be a speeding train that cannot be stopped in its tracks.

I originally have as a target, a writing post at another office in our department; for which i already got a marginal note from atty. kimberly telling director chuvakelz that i be interviewed and tested immediately for said post. Acting on said note, director chuvakelz asked me to provide a copy of my resume to our human resource department.

Seeing the magical marginal note, director eklavoo of human resource immediately wrote to chuvakelz stating that i lack the required four years of professional writing experience needed for the post; and for that i cannot be considered—even the magical powers of atty. kimberly’s marginal note on my letter looses its powers at some point.

Though that might be the case, chuvakelz later tells me that there is a position lower than the writing post i was aiming for, but still a notch higher than my current position. The job description: same as what i am currently doing, only there, over the rainbow, i will be much better paid. Plus, there’s an actual chance to be trained for the writing post, so when an opportunity presents itself again, i will be in a much better position to apply for it.

Chuvakelz told me that there is already a casual employee under their payroll targeting said post. Its an established culture in the company that position openings are announced for formality, but in reality, casual employees doing the requirements of said posts are already groomed to clinch em when they are finally approved by the management to be opened. I dunno her reason for telling me such; it might be my credentials, or it might still be the kimberly note—she told me it wouldn’t hurt to have a go for it, seeing that its a ‘level playing field anyway’, in her own words.

Those were her words to me. but doing my research, it seems that the whole office already knows that the position was already ‘meant’ for casual girl; meaning, naipangako na ni chuvakelz. Even my sanggang dikit in that office thinks it so.

But since desperate times, er i mean, krissy times, call for desperate measures, i decided to fight it out with casual girl knowing my college degree is a perfect fit for the job. And so i did my research on casual girl, before plunging head-on with the fight. What i discovered froze me to death.

i turned out that she was the same girl who approached me at the flag ceremony a month ago, encouraging me to apply for a writing post in their office. I mean, i didn’t know her personally—i see her walking along the corridors, a little smile here and there, and that’s it. So to approach me like that—that gesture made me so thankful; because the information she shared to me came at that point in my professional life when i needed it most—a means to fly away from krissy.

But what is the good in flying out of krissy’s grasps if i land in some place else where someone would harbor ill-feelings toward me for having stolen a regular position that was promised to her? Getting that post will not cause her to loose her job. Casual employees in our office are permanent fixtures. They just renew their contracts the minute they expire. But still, a regular post would mean a lot to one’s self esteem, and one’s benefits upon retirement. i know that for myself, as i too, had been a casual employee for three years before getting the regular position i hold now. Its a hard life.

I already decided to wait a little longer. Let casual girl have the post. I just have to toughen my krissy defenses a little more.

kaya mo pa? : the emancipation chronicles

Voice small and cracking, i tentatively recounted to atty. chenelyn Kimberly the now famous “i will go to great lengths para sirain kita kay [state position here]” line that krissy seductively whispered to my ear in that not-so-long-ago scene of five years, now pushing six. I told him that it was precisely that line, told with so much venom that turned me to this frozen delight; always thinking of that scene before ever taking one single step to self advancement in times of great opportunity, like position openings in other offices.

Hearing this, and being krissy’s superior several notches up in the hierarchy, it was quite understandable that his reaction be “baka naman sa kanya wala lang yon; i mean, we say things pag nabibigla tayo. Ganon din ako. Pag nasabi na, wala na. Baka ikaw itong nagdala ng hurt for that long, and we know its not good”. As a response, I thought of reciting all the things she has been notorious of doing in the office but i decided not to, for fear that it may come across as character assassination. As parting shot, i just told atty. Kimberly that i didn’t have anybody to talk to, as regard this thing that’s been bothering me; i thanked him for lending an ear, and proceeded to get my resume with marginal note from him telling director chuvakelz of [state office name here] to schedule me for an exam to try out for a writing post.

Later that afternoon, my immediate boss who was also pissed off with krissy told me of her trip to atty kimberly’s office to air out her grievances regarding krissy’s diva attitude. Whereas i was able to hold back and keep to myself the litany of sorrows, my immediate boss went to the extreme of telling atty. Kimberly : “e masama naman po talaga ugali nyan, sir. Umabot nga po sa time na pinitisyon yan na mapaalis sa ofis e.”

Hearing her gush out in seeming girlishness of her accomplishment that day, i told her “kala mo ba ate, ikaw lang?” then i proceeded to tell her of my earlier trip. I finished the tale by asking her, “hindi naman tayo nag-usap sa lagay na yan, di ba no, te?”

Two major points for krissy.

fuckin' krissy.

Mondays at the office are held as the most sacred of days for it is the only day in the week that people go down to the parking lot for the flag ceremony. It is a sin to get late on Mondays; for one will be required to write an explanation letter to atty. chenelyn sparkles stating the reason why he or she did not make it in time for the flag raising. i can remember writing my first explanation letter and i don’t intend to replicate such action ever again—it involves coursing the letter through channels (underlings who get to read your letter) until it reaches the proper authority; how is that for image?

And so you have me taking extra effort to be on time, and i was on time, this particular Monday morning. i got through the customary chit-chat and small talk with my officemates, with flying colors. At the back of my head i was beginning to wonder if Krissy Mae has already arrived and has positioned herself at that familiar spot under the umbrella tree at the back of the queue. She always does it whenever she’s late so as not to attract attention; otherwise she’ll parade herself til she reaches the start of the line/ queue where she’ll proclaim herself the queen of her little domain by opening her violet umbrella and putting on her black sunglasses. (maldita!)

But nope, she’s nowhere to be found this lovely Monday morning, and i was already beginning to wonder what time will she be arriving and wreaking havoc at the office. Yes, its always like this; ask anybody from the office and they’ll tell you that she’s such a sweet princess. With the lupang hinirang sung, panatang makabayan recited and atty. sparkles finished giving the closing remarks, we proceeded going back to the office. With tighter security measures just put in place, some of the avenues for entry were blocked off by policemen such as the ground floor parking lot in the main building; that left us no choice but to herd ourselves like cattle through the lobby then through the stairwell—both are claustrophobe’s paradise if you ask me. Of course one can elect to use the elevators but at this point in time when everybody’s rushing to get to their offices, relying on the elevators to get you to your destination will surely take forever.

So i took the stairs like most did. At that point, in the tightest space in the race to the offices, she made her entrance like an apparition before my eyes. Trying my best not to look as having just seen a ghost, i said “good morning ma’am”, to which Krissy Mae replied a quick and smile-less good morning. i was about to take a sigh of relief that i was still breathing and have not turned to stone when she opened her mouth to say in trademark Celia Rodriguez tone, “di mo ba ako pauunahin?” how is that for a scene? I tried my best not to react “heller, tingnan mo nga kung may dadaanan ka?” The stairs’ width can accommodate two people at most, and it was just my luck that i’ve already stepped up with another employee beside me, when i saw her in the corner of my eye. It looks like she’s really expecting that i make way for her, the bitch. As if i’ve a choice to answer in the negative and incur her wrath all day, I said, “sure ma’am, mauna na po kayo” then i struggled hard to position myself sideways to accommodate her.

We reached our floor, with her sashaying nonchalantly like some fuckin queen. to anyone who might have been observing i might have looked like the queen's attendant/ handmaid the way i trailed her back--indecisive if i’ll rush past her or just stay my course; which she decided the moment that foul mouth of hers opened at the stairwell. Fuckin’ krissy. What a nice way to start your week, indeed.

the emancipation project

Those of you who follow my other blog would surely know by now that i am a librarian. Yes, unbelievable it may seem, i am one of the few who earn a living by tending to pages of information, knowledge, reason and enlightenment (?); collecting, organizing and making them readily available for access to researchers. my work requires one to have a keen eye for details, and also to have lotsa patience, not just for unruly/ noisy researchers (shushing is hardly my style) but especially for use at one helluva boss too, that just seems to come from one. Yes, dear reader, lets just call her Krissy Mae, the librarian from hell.

Recently, all my efforts are being directed at one life project i tentatively call “the emancipation of pie,”—my apologies, Mariah, for borrowing your title without permission; i would have called you but my current workload wouldn’t allow me the luxury of doing such. So if you ever come across this blog entry, please understand and take pity; for i am now undergoing what you’ve just gone through with tommy—only with krissy, it is anything but sexual...oh puhleease.

For five glorious years i have toiled under a burning heat. Yes, i’ve been terribly burnt. I turned to writing, to yoga, to running, to watching movies, to reading escapist fares just to have a seeming normalcy in my otherwise abnormal mindscape. Yes, she invaded my psyche too. It seems krissy mae has a doctorate in psywar, for how else would one explain that i became this frozen delight; a promising career gone stale in just the blink of an eye. Have i known that things would turn out this way, i would have applied in other offices right away, instead of stepping in her lair that fateful day of June, five years ago.

“Ma’am, i thought its only respectful that i tell you first before you get to know it from other people, after all i wouldn’t be here have you not taken notice and took me in. I saw an opening for [state position here] and i am thinking of giving it a try, if its ok with you.”

“no, its not ok with me. In fact sobrang hindi ok para sa akin that i will go to great lengths to go straight to [state name and position here] para sirain kita.”

Now, tell me, how’s that for a telenovela scene?

Pie is in anguish. It is time to act. Whatever the outcome, it is better than not to have acted at all.