happy, reprised

my valentines day turned out to be ok afterall. and that is saying it with a lot of smiles. :) i'm just one big drama queen. told dee i wrote the preceding entry out of sheer frustration at the turn of events, but told him i left out the details [to keep the fans guessing, haha!]. he told me i better make up by telling here that "i punished him, and punished him good last night", but that is too much information already, if you get my drift. hehe.

dee, thank you so much, that were still us. for exercising constraint in times when i take centerstage. for seeing me in my good times and the bad, and still loving me anyway. and though you keep on telling me that i have many "fans", kaw lang ang nagmahal at nagmamahal sa akin ng ganito at ikaw lang ang mamahalin ko ng ganito.

now, to say it again, properly this time : happy valentines day dadee.

pigsty

Na late ako kaninang umaga. Kinailangan ko gumising earlier than usual to tidy up the unit which is starting to look like a pigsty. Hmmm.. our lovenest a pigsty? Well. Looks like one but doesn’t smell like one.. yet. Hehehe.

The other day, dee texted me that he’s gonna bring an officemate around, to see our unit, as there are available units for rent in the building according to our landlady. I hate cleaning up. Hate it, hate it. Why clean up if you could just toss your clothes on the bed, toss the hangers on the dining table, along with yesterday’s accumulation of receipts and other pieces of paper in your pocket? And why hang your clothes properly in the cabinet when you could just get it straight from the plastic bag your laundry lady gave you? So when dee told me of the impending doom which is the officemate visiting, I just hated the whole idea of scrubbing, sweeping and tidying in general. Ipinagpaliban ko ng ipinagpaliban last night, until my lazy conscience suggested that I just wake up earlier than usual to do the clearing operations. So ayun, early morning workout ang nangyari. Hehehe. At late ako.

Later this afternoon while at work, dee texted me na nangaling na sila ng bahay. And celeste, the officemate was so impressed with what she saw, that she paid the landlady for her own unit right away. Well, that is something alright.

in the tenderlight, in the blistering heat

para sa aking kabiyak, tsup.

You once wrote, in ink and paper
that i am your missing piece;
that i make the puzzle—
your puzzle, complete;
in bold, curling, romantic strokes
your heart bled those words

for me, for me

for you i won’t write, in ink and paper—
for you we’ll have lovely dinners;
lovely walks, lovely talks;
in the tender light of the moon,
in the blistering heat of the sun;
i’ll hold your hand

i’ll hold your hand

and together, we’ll have alchemy;
we’ll write on our very own—
skin, flesh and bones—
the lone word we tried, forming
with our minds; curling with our lips--
at the outset of this journey:

lovely

just lovely

the love letter

1 september 2005

dee,

to have you in my life is God's proof that love between two men does exist.

i thank God that i do not kiss the stars [in reference to the poem "kiss the stars"]; i thank God because i kiss the star.

happy one month!

i love you, dee!

-dee

kami

diga sa sauna

"‘isa sa mga tinurn-down mo?’, i just had to reread the message you sent last night”.

Yes. Hehehe.


“Gwapo talaga ng dadee ko”

Not really. I don’t see myself that way. A lot of guys are far more blessed than i am in the looks department. But i know i have my charms. I’ve capitalized on it many times, especially during the lost years, when i have been desperately seeking someone to spend my life with. Those were turbulent times, indeed; when anyone who ‘d practically show any glint of interest will be dealt with an extreme show of affection on my part. Texts, dinner dates. Then he’ll just ditch you like a used cumrag after a few meet-ups. Three tiring years of dating and bedding men. Then my dee came. someone up there must be really watching over, coz he came when i was just at the point of drowning. sabi nga sa salitang pokpok, panahon na para gumarahe, pie.

The domesticated life is a charmed life. though once in a while, as my ex-friend chinky mae would say, “mader, may mga patay na nabubuhay!” hehehe. nagpaparamdam ba.

This was the case with marvin, a med student i met at a spa a year ago. Now i have been well into the married life at that time—two years with my dee and very much in love. It was at the sauna that i first noticed him staring at me. i didn’t pay attention and just went with my business of melting excess fats by heat when suddenly a voice took me away from my thoughts. It was him, the guy who only had eyes for me. normally in staring situations at the sauna or the steam bath, i stare back poker-faced, hoping it will do the trick of turning them away, to just leave me be with my business. And it usually works. But then this one had a voice. And it said hi. Not meaning to be rude, i returned the gesture and said hello. That was the start of a conversation i don’t usually engage in. He told me right away that he found me “cute”, in his words. Knowing where the conversation is headed, i courteously thanked him but said i’m in a relationship and i’ve nothing to offer him but friendship.

It was a very awkward situation to be in. More so for him than me, i suppose. He had no choice but to take the rejection, and take it well lest the other men in the room take notice if he suddenly made a scene with uncontrolled emotions; but what followed took me by surprise.

Taking my offer of friendship, he asked for my number, which i gave. This surprised me, as i don’t normally give my number to anyone who asks. When i was a regular at a bathhouse in E. Rodriguez, and somebody would ask for my number after an encounter, i usually change a digit so that it becomes useless. But since marvin and i had a lengthy conversation already, and he seemed nice, i couldn’t bear giving out a fake one.

At the back of my mind though, i was already formulating a strategy for neutralizing this potential threat in me and my dee’s relationship.

To be continued